Category: Blog

My blog shares my feelings.

Just say these words at the Hospital “Heart Attack!” (the story Part 3)

I’m sharing the frightening experience of having a heart attack on a day I was “too busy” to deal with my symptoms.
 
So many women tell me they ‘push through’ while taking care of everyone else but ourselves.
It’s Friday, February 9th. After suffering through an excruciating set of symptoms the previous day, I wake on Friday with a day full of plans and a long to do list! I needed to get to the grocery store to buy the food and snacks I planned to serve to my writing class the next day.
 
I want to wash my hair and get cleaned up. Into the shower I go, raising my arms to wash my hair seemed such an effort, I was out of breath.
 
So, with a towel wrapped around my head, I put on my terry robe and laid on the bed until my breathing returned to normal.
 
Blow drying my hair caused the same effect. Holding a brush in one hand and the blow dryer in the other, with my arms above my head was a challenge. I was exhausted and short of breath.
 
Back to the bed I went, laying down for the second time that morning and it wasn’t even 8:00! This was unacceptable, I had too much to do to be laying down every five minutes.
 
I knew something wasn’t right but I was determined to push through because I had lots to do for my class the next morning!
So, I charged off to grocery shop.
 
The small neighborhood store was comforting as I knew where to find my favorite foods for writing students.
 
Veggie tray, crackers, cheese, fruit, but the cookie aisle did me in! I reach for a pack of gourmet cookies and they fell to the floor. Bending down to retrieve them I suddenly realized I would faint if I completed the bend.
 
I left them on the floor and retreated to the register to check out.
 
My legs felt so heavy, I could barely move! I grabbed a cold Coca Cola from the case and thought the jolt of caffeine and sugar would pick me up. I drank it straight down!
 
I loaded the two bags of groceries into the back of the SUV like I was moving through syrup. I was short of breath again and the pain in my collarbone was now constant. I drove home more carefully than ever before! I was terrified I’d pass out – I was that exhausted.
 
I finally gave in and called my primary care doctor. “He’s out of town, sorry” said the nurse.
 
“Is someone covering for him? Who can I see?” I begged.
 
Her answer was short and sweet and it was to either call my cardiologist or go to the emergency room.
 
My reply, “I can’t go to the ER! I have too much to do!” I wailed. Her reply still haunts me. She said, “You can’t do anything if you’re dead,” I didn’t reply.
 
Thankfully, I did have a cardiologist to call they found my file (after ten years) and they’d work me in at 1:00 that day. I called my husband and we drove there together.
 
After a tech hooked me up to an EKG, he shook his head as he watched the needle move. The associate doctor came in, looked at the EKG and frowned.
 
When the head doctor (Doctor M.) enters the room and they are all staring at the EKG machine, I knew something was up.
 
Doctor M. says evenly, “You’re having a heart attack right now, you have to go to the ER immediately”. What! It can’t be – I thought he would just give me some blood pressure pills and send me one my way.
 
I’m terrified – I look over at my husband – I think he’s terrified too.
 
Things begin happening fast. The tech gives me a baby aspirin. The associate doctor gives me nitroglycerine under my tongue. I see Doctor M. on the phone making arrangements for me.
 
“Oh God”, I pray silently. He comes back and told have Tomas to drive me there NOW – it’s four blocks from his office.
 
Tomas drops me off at ER. I was whisked inside and placed on a gurney. I wince as they peeled off my brand new black leggings and my underwear. I’m allowed to take off my top and bra – the gown goes on so quickly – nobody sees anything.
 
People swarm around me, doctors, nurses, techs, each saying their name and what they were going to do to me. They are calm.
 
They take my blood, put in a needle for an IV, ask me questions about my health history, my medications, and my nail polish.
 

Yes, my nail polish – they want to remove it, but I know it won’t come off because its “shellac”. I try to explain this.
 
They want to clip a heart monitor on my finger and the polish interferes. Quickly, they attach it to my ear.
 
I feel a breeze on my face – it’s from rolling fast on the gurney, on my way to the “Cath Lab”. They explain every movement and where we are – I’m beginning not to care.
 
Less than 20 minutes have passed since I walked in.
 
When I wake up, I’m in a private room. There are nurses, techs, and orderlies in and out. My husband is there and my son is there.
 
I’m starving, I can’t eat until another round of tests are run. That night is a blur of fitful sleeping, bad dreams, a dinner tray brought at 10:00pm and trying to get comfortable.
 
Early morning brings more nurses taking blood, bringing pills and taking vitals. My breathing is still labored and my collarbone pain has moved to my chest.
 
Three doctors visit and determine I’m not better and order tests. They give me something to get the fluid off my lungs and perform an Echo cardiogram
 
Hours later, the hospital’s cardiologist, Doctor W. tells me he’s taking me back to the Cath lab to fix another artery. I trust him.
 
After a second stent, I improve dramatically. Everyone notices and test results improve.
 
All this improvement occurred on day two of my three day stay. Next, I’ll write about the overwhelm of being released and taking care of a ‘new’ me.
 
If you want to read the heart attack story previous installments, follow the link in comments below.
 
TIP: Hospitals will take you right in if you say the words “heart attack”.

Know Your Numbers Ladies – Be Heart Smart!

I’ve been writing about my heart attack experience in an effort to help us know more about women’s heart health.
As women we know about breast cancer and what we can do to combat it. But what about cardiovascular heart disease in women?
 
I was surprised to learn ONE in TWO women are affected by heart disease. On the other hand, one in every eight women will have breast cancer.
 
We have all had our mammogram and learned to do self exams to help us prevent breast cancer. But do we know what to do to prevent heart disease?
 
I didn’t! I think most women don’t know either! Why? Because all the information out there, including ads, books, & internet resources are about men.
The ads show men having “Hollywood heart attacks” like we see in the movies (pain in the chest radiating down the left arm, clutching the chest & falling to the ground).
 
Heart disease affects women so differently than men, yet, ONE in THREE women will die from a heart attack. (This is more deadly than breast cancer which takes the life of one women in 27).
 
Women’s symptoms are different including neck pain, fatigue, shortness of breath, indigestion, & dizziness.
 
So what can you do to KNOW about your heart health? I asked my favorite cardiac nurse, Jenny who gave me a great tip.
 
“Know your numbers,” she says. Blood pressure, Lipids, and BMI. Your primary care doctor can help you get these.
 
Most of us know what blood pressure means, but what the heck is a Lipid? It’s the fatty stuff in our blood (cholesterol is a lipid). Standard blood tests show this number.
 
BMI is a standard measurement for body mass index using your weight and height. (Hint – looking for obesity).
 
Now here’s the fun way to remember. It’s a YouTube Parody of an 80’s song by Tommy TuTone called “867-5309 JENNY’ done by Mayo Clinic promoting heart health – it’s a perfect way to KNOW YOUR NUMBERS!
 
You’ll be humming it after you hear it!
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkps4XwvxK4

Heart attack or Anxiety attack? (the Story – Part 2)

I want to tell you about my heart attack experience so as women, we’ll be better prepared when heart health symptoms show up.

The day before my heart attack I had eight symptoms and refused to go to the Emergency Room. I thought I was having an anxiety attack. You see, I was too busy and didn’t “have time” to work that major health issue into my very busy schedule!

 

It was a Thursday and I was spotlight speaker at one of my networking groups. This means you get ten minutes to stand before the room and tell about your business; then another ten minutes to run a mastermind exercise.

I’d done it once before and knew I could get people to sign up for my writing class from this compelling talk.

I started preparing at 6:30am. My fingers and toes were icy cold and I felt a chill from head to toe.

I was tired and hadn’t been sleeping well but chalked it up to one of many things, a full moon, a poor dinner choice night before, or sleep apnea.

My collarbone ached like someone was pinching it. I felt like I’d been holding my breath as I wrote my speech notes onto blue notecards.

I began to pack up my hand-outs and props. I needed to make more copies, make sure I had business cards, and gather the crayons and drawing paper for the coloring.exercise.

I wanted to arrive at the lunch meeting at 11:00 to set up my props.

I pack all the supplies into my SUV and notice I’m winded from the effort.

Finally, I’m there, in the space of the lunch meeting. It’s a local brewpub restaurant with tables set up into a hollow square to accommodate 40 plus people.

I settle in at an end seat so I can get up easily for my presentation. I hear the buzz of conversations around me and notice my mouth is dry. I order water from the waitress.

Then the microphone comes out – the leader declares it’s not working well and to hold it tightly and put it directly up to your mouth or it will cut out.

I see others struggle with getting their “30 second elevator speech” out without the mic crackling.

I’m being introduced – I stand at the front – all eyes upon me – I lay my note cards out in front of me and grasp the microphone for dear life.

I talk easily for ten minutes except I realized I was getting short of breath and thought I’d been talking and forgetting to breathe!

Then my heart started pounding and I thought it was because I was probably holding my breath.

It pounds faster, I mean really pounding. It takes everything I have to appear calm and composed – after all I’m giving a speech!

I’m feeling lightheaded just to the point of dizzy – I grasp the back of a chair and steady myself while the group gets busy on the crayon assignment I’ve given them.

I let go of my grip on the microphone, breathe deeply, and try to gain my composure. I walk around the outer square of the tables and look at the drawings they’re making. This calms my heart down.

My time is up, I take questions, then sit down just before the room was beginning to spin.

Immediately sweat begins to form at my hairline and trickle down my forehead – it’s like a menopausal hotflash. I dab at it with a napkin.

A good friend sees that all the color has drained from my face and sits across the table from me. She brings me water, the waitress brings me sprite, they want to call 911 – I insist “NO! I’m fine, I just feel woozy,” – probably stood too long, didn’t eat my lunch, a hundred excuses!

All I wanted to do was to pass out and lay down and there was nowhere to do it and I kept saying “I’m fine – I’m fine”

Finally after lots of water, lots of napkins to mop cold sweat pouring from my scalp I feel somewhat recovered.

I call my husband to come get me – I knew I couldn’t drive home in that condition. He came, I went home, laid on the couch very still and googled my symptoms and VOILA! I came up with an anxiety attack.

Well that explained everything! Somehow that made me feel better even though I couldn’t imagine what I was anxious about – that HAD to be it.

The next day I was admitted to the ER with a Heart attack and received two stents and a defibrillator ‘life vest’.

Did you catch the EIGHT SYMPTOMS? Along with all my excuses? Don’t do what I did. Always check out any of these symptoms immediately!

Next time I’ll write about the day of the heart attack and getting to the hospital.

Tip: beware anxiety attack symptoms are just like heart attack symptoms

My Inconvenient Heart Attack (the Story – part 1)

Sharing my heart attack with you is not easy but I am compelled to be a good advocate for women and heart health.

I had a heart attack on February 9th and it scared the you know what out of me and it also pissed me off!

Why? It was so inconvenient!

 

I was in the middle of a late life entrepreneur choice – teaching memoir writing, publishing a book, running an online writer’s group, & tons of other social stuff.

My to do list was a mile long and I felt accomplished as I checked off each little task.

But something wasn’t right. I was sooo tired – the proper word is fatigue. I couldn’t get through the day without laying down.

I was getting up at 5:30 to tackle that to do list and thought my sleep was faulty due to a funky pillow or the full moon.

If I didn’t get an afternoon rest I was cranky in the evening. Not like me.

Unbeknownst to me, that nagging pain in my collarbone & occasional light-headedness were also symptoms of heart attacks IN WOMEN.

Women experience a heart attack differently than men. Men have the “Hollywood” attacks we see in movies. (Pain in the left arm, clutching the chest, collapsing)

I had none of those signs yet was rushed to the ER and was saved by a tiny thing called a “stent”.

I’ll share the full story. This is PART ONE. PS. Here’s a great website for more information. Www.womenheart.org

Procrastination

As a writer, procrastination is my biggest problem.

Often I will walk around with a story in my head, but never quite get around to the task of writing it out.  Or maybe it’s already drafted in my journal, and all it needs is to be typed up and tweaked to really bring it to life… but it’s been in that draft form for the last two months.

I love writing, but sometimes it’s hard to focus.

For instance, the other day I sat down at the computer, threw open the window for a breath of cold fresh air, and pulled up a new blank document. I glanced sideways at the written draft on my desk. And my mind began to wander.

My eyes latched onto the adorable coffee mug with a redbird emblazoned on it, where I keep my pens and pencils. It was a gift, a very thoughtful one from my brother-in-law. I didn’t realize at the time that he knew how to purchase things online, but he must have figured it out because he ordered personalized redbird coffee mugs for my two sisters and me.

You see, the redbird is a symbol for our Mother.
She lived a rich life full of love and laughter all the way up until she died peacefully in her sleep at 89. Mom always loved the color red, and while she hailed from St. Louis – home of the Cardinals baseball team – she had a fondness for redbirds of any kind.

We sisters agreed that those pretty little birds reminded us of Mom. She always  made everyone around her feel special, and the appearance of a redbird would bring that same warm feeling back to us.

Whenever I miss my mother, I see a redbird and know she is checking in.

This happens all the time now that she’s gone, and the entire extended family will call the others with each sighting.

I love hearing their excited voices shouting, “I saw a redbird! I saw a redbird! Grandma Esther is visiting!” It doesn’t take much – one of the grandkids getting an award at school, a challenging time in someone’s life, a niece who just had a baby…

“Focus!” suddenly yells Dolly Drill Sergeant. “Focus!”

Okay, no one was actually yelling… This was merely the abrupt awareness that my thoughts had drifted off. I have lots of voices in my head (don’t we all?), and I’ve named them so I can respond and give them a piece of my mind when needed. This time, though, I knew Dolly had a point.

Consider last week when I had an hour before starting dinner – a perfect window of time to bang out an 800-word article, right?

Wrong!

I had just finished emptying summer clothes from my closet and there was a mess of hangers, socks, and shoes lying on the floor and strewn across the bed.  After I tidied that up, I went to the kitchen for a cup of tea to sustain me… but I stopped along the way to straighten the kitchen junk drawer.

When I’d finally brought my tea to my desk, I proceeded to test all the ballpoint pens in my redbird coffee mug pen holder. That ended with three pens in the wastebasket and a little giddy excitement at finding a long-lost gold Cross pen.

With what little time was left, I still managed to crank out a pretty darn good first draft.

I’ve noticed that even though I procrastinate all the time, I always manage to get the job done and it usually always turns out just fine. So I decided that day to let it in. To make room for it. Perhaps it’s my brain’s way of telling me it needs a little longer to marinate that idea I jotted down in my journal this morning.

So I’m allowing it a spot on the agenda.

Let’s say 10% of my time. That’s six minutes of every hour. Not a big deal, it feels like just enough. Things like drawer straightening, ballpoint pen testing, and closet tidying will not only give me some satisfaction, but also remove the lure of procrastination! With those little random chores out of the way, I can then focus more clearly. So I choose to see this as a good thing.

Oh, and you’ll never guess what I wrote about!

My supernatural redbird sighting the morning after my mother’s death.

What tasks usually cause you to procrastinate?
Do you have a good cure for procrastination?
Please share in the comments!

What I plan to give up for Christmas

Christians often give up something for Lent, and although I’ve done that, I’m starting a new tradition in our house. I’m encouraging each of us to give up something for Christmas. The Christmas holidays have become such a busy season and there aren’t enough days in the 4 ½ weeks I have to get everything done.

What happened to enjoying the holiday? What happened to expressing your faith and doing good works and acts of kindness during that time.

I admit, for years, I would begin the weekend after Thanksgiving, spending four days decorating. That means putting up an artificial tree, decorating said tree, putting the extra leaf in the dining room table and putting the holiday table cloth and table runner on said table.

Then there were two Rubbermaid bins of stuffed and ceramic Santas. Some were vintage, some were new, some were sentimental, some were gifts, but eventually they went everywhere in the house. They became “décor”. At one point, I counted 50 Santas!

The bathrooms received Christmas linen hand towels and the kitchen was covered in Christmas themed pot holders. I filled a copper tub with real pinecones collected on a hike to Mt. Lemmon. I always intended to spray paint them gold but as the years passed, the natural color just looks better.

Then I opened the bin of ornaments, purchased, received and collected over the years. Each is lovingly wrapped in tissue paper. There’s a set of redbird (with real feathers) ornaments, a set of glitter covered papier Mache angel fish, a set of light weight brass toy drums, and a set of red and white stripe candy cane ornaments. Some years, I’d use one set and store the others back in the box.

But, this year I’ve decided to do an experiment. What if I didn’t decorate. What if I didn’t put up the tree? What if the Santas never came out of their Rubbermaid bin? The corners of my mouth turn upward as I think about this possibility of freedom.

I calculate I’ll save about 20 hours of my time; save the bending over and aching back; save the mess of vacuuming up glitter; feel safe when our 2-year-old toddler comes over that there will be no toppling tree incident; and the list goes on!

Now my upturned mouth is smiling wide, I feel a sense of freedom. I plan a holiday party without giving a thought to the guest bath holiday towels. I want to holler “Yippee!” I want to skip for joy.

I plan to volunteer at the church as they prepare gift boxes for needy families. I intend to write long heartfelt letters to my children and my grandchildren. I intend to reach out to my dear friends that normally get a Christmas card with my name scribbled on the bottom. And I intend to reflect deeply on all my blessings.

I’ll let you know how my experiment turns out!